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Thread: Offering help on Analytical Papers

  1. #1
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    Default Offering help on Analytical Papers

    Having to write many analytical papers, I have learned many mistakes common in writing on of these papers. For homework, almost every other day (block scheduling), I have one of these types of papers due.

    I'm offering help to anyone who isn't good at writing analytical papers on literature. I'm not going to write it for you (I'm not offering this to be abused), but give you suggestions etc. By posting your paper, I could also find typos that the writer ussually doesn't find (it happens to all of us).

    I'm more going to help you with paragraph and sentence structure. The basis of a powerful paper starts with structure. Hopefully, after helping enough people this thread will be a collection of knowledge of how to write good analytical papers.

    This thread is to offered help, not to have your homework done for you. Also, if you get a bad grade it is not my fault and I don't care if you come and whine to me.

    Rules of the thread:


    1) Post your paper you need help on.

    A)
    Try have possible questions in mind or something your not sure on. Or if you want help in general, I'll see what I can tell you.

    B)
    Accept criticism. If you don't want my opinion, then don't ask. We can confer, even go as far as argue over a point. Just don't get out of hand and flame me over my opinions on your work.

    C)
    You can either upload the attach or
    post the paper onto the site. I would prefer the latter but either is fine. I know the formatting on this site sometimes messes up the format from MS word when copy/pasting it but that's ok.


    2) Post the "finished" product.

    A)
    Show us what you did to edit your paper. If you want to, tell us the grade you got on the paper after you turned it in.


    3) Responsibility

    A)
    I'm doing this out of charity. Don't post this a night before its due and hope I get back to you. Maybe a few days and I'll almost definantly help you out.

    B)
    I know we have quite a few intelligent members on this site. Feel free to also give your feedback as long its constructive and not plain flaming or telling somebody how much they suck at writing.
    Last edited by hellsing293; 11-24-2007 at 10:12 PM.
    As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....

  2. #2

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    i have a couple of old essays that im planning on using for college apps. do you mind if i post them here and ask you to do a grammar check and offer your opinion on them?
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    Yeah no problem, go ahead and post em.
    As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....

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    Default Essay #1

    Dead Dreams, Dead Relationships: in The Great Gatsby

    “I now pronounce you husband and wife,” says the officiator. The crowd goes wild. The newlywed celebrities walk down the red carpet to the waiting limousine that will take them to the culmination of their dreams: the raving mad dream of having a relationship with each other has been accomplished. In the ideal world, dreams stimulate relationships and add to the meaning of what one’s purpose is. In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby however, couples abandon each other when all the dreams in a relationship dry up. Nick Carraway, Jay Gatsby, and Myrtle Wilson all demonstrate this phenomenon.

    The main character, Nick, never has a real dream toward Jordan. Even though Nick has a romantic engagement with Jordan, he fails to do anything about it. Nick claims that, “I [am not] in love, but I [feel] a sort of tender curiosity” (57). By saying this, Nick shows that he has no dream of ever being in love with Jordan. His idea for a dream is just to have a weird feeling towards her. Society demands so much more than having a peculiar feeling toward someone. All throughout the story, Nick is given opportunities to achieve his dream of marrying Jordan, but older dreams keep getting in his way (58). Nick is trying to live two dreams: one that he has back at home and this one with Jordan. However, he does not have a strong enough of a dream to drop the one he has going on back at home. Nick’s indecisiveness again shows that his dream is not strong enough. These two dreams eventually collide with each other, ultimately dooming his dream for a relationship. While Nick does not use his dream to marry Jordan, Gatsby permits the dis appointment of Daisy not fulfilling his dream to destroy him.

    Gatsby’s dream of loving Daisy evaporates when he realizes that she could never be as perfect as he had envisioned her to be. Just as Daisy and Gatsby reunites after almost five years of separation from each other, Gatsby loses his dreams of having her. Nick echoes Gatsby’s feelings by saying, “Possibly it has occurred to him that the colossal significance of that light vanished forever” (93). All her perfection radiating in that green light is ordinary again to Gatsby. Gatsby realizes that his dreams are crazy. Daisy cannot satisfy him any more. Nick also points out, “There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumble(es) short of his dreams … not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion” (95). Men habitually set down dreams for a perfect woman, except that when he finally finds her, he sees flaws in her. It is as if he has blinders on when he is dreaming about her, but then they are removed when he finally meets her. This is certainly the case with Gatsby. He realizes his dreams are too high for even the perfect Daisy to fulfill. Another character has this problem, except this time her dreams are the opposite from Gatsby.

    Myrtle’s dreams are about marrying a gentleman who is wealthy and will take care of her. The only problem is George Wilson (her husband) fails her, and this causes her to seek Tom. She says that she thinks George is a gentleman, but then goes as far as to say, “he [is] [not] fit to lick my shoes” (35). She claims frequently that she has never wanted to marry such a man. Her dream is to marry a rich gentleman, and Tom fit the bill. Certainly these dreams, of wealth and of having a gentleman for a husband, drive Myrtle to run away from her husband and to seek Tom. George locks Myrtle up to keep her from escaping: she however still makes a run for it (137). This shows how desperate Myrtle is in wanting to disengage from her husband. Her discontented dreams drive her to seek a new dream. She runs away from George to seek her gentleman and wealth that will satisfy her dreams.

    Nick, Gatsby, and Myrtle all dream of obtaining and maintaining a great relationship. They all try and fail to achieve this ultimate satisfaction. Whether it is Nick not really having a dream to begin with, or Gatsby realizing that his dream could not be feasible anymore, or Myrtle’s dream of marrying a gentleman, they all fail to understand that couples abandon each other when all the dreams in a relationship dry up. When newlywed celebrities or couples see that their dreams have diminished or disappeared, hopefully, they will accept that fact. Sometimes dreams simply do not turn out the way couples wants them to be. Even in the midst of all the gloom, couples should not stop dreaming, for this is their sole motivator.





    False Values, True Personality: in Death of a Salesman

    Flipping through the channels or surfing the web can bring up numerous things. What a person wants to read might be there, as well as advertisements and other forms of distractions. One does not have to crack the surface to see that there have been negative values broadcasted by the media. While some are not affected by these assaults, the majority of people have been. Indeed, these assaults not only affect our generation; they have affected our ancestors as well. In Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman, he articulates the interpretation of false appearances within the American Dream with the downfall of Willy: on the other hand, the true realization of appearances lead to the salvation of Biff. Willy will demonstrate the destructive nature of false values.

    The main tragic character in this play follows all the wrong values and makes his decisions on appearances. More importantly, the appearance of being well liked leads to the downfall of Willy. As one literary critic puts it, “he assumes that success comes from those who are ‘well liked’” (Bentley 730). The basis for Willy’s argument comes from his idolization of Dave Singleman, who when he dies, attracts hundreds of people to his funeral (Lowman 81). Willy only knows the result of Dave’s death and not even his life. Out ward appearances are only Willy’s concern. Willy further believes in this by telling his sons, “the man who makes an appearance in the business world… is the man who gets ahead” (Lowman 33). He again believes that appearances are the only things that matter in the real world. He does not take into any consideration that actual work is needed to achieve anything. All of this emphasis on appearances alone ultimately lead to his downfall. Another critic restates this point by saying, “his misfortune [is that] he choose(s) a career in which appearances [are] everything” (Bloom 106). His very job as a salesman depends on how other people view him. Willy stakes his livelihood on the judgments of other people. These judgments eventually prove detrimental not only to his psychological health but also to his family’s health. In spite of all of Willy’s disillusionments and misdirection, Miller strategically places into his play a character that polarizes the false appearances with his search for meaning in life.

    Unlike Willy, who is totally lost in false appearances, Biff realizes who he really is and saves himself. At first Biff really adheres to what Willy’s dreams are, and Biff is successful in life during high school, but then “Biff’s psyche or fate mercifully releases him from Willy’s dreams” (Ardolonio). Biff’s psyche, or character, causes him to steal things. Fresh out of high school and never going to college, he labors in a multitude of jobs. His personality of always filching things keeps him moving. His rearing by Willy is the cause of purloin. As a direct result of Willy, Biff regards everyone as lower than him (Lowman 86-89). In the end, however, after all the snitching and inability to be satisfied, he realizes what his father has done to him. Biff has to face the consequences of the false values and pays for them by becoming a vagabond. With these failures now in mind, Biff finally confronts himself by saying, “how the hell did I ever get the idea I was a salesman?” (Lowman 104). He finally realizes through all of his stealing and blunders that he could never become a salesman, a job that his dad wants him to be. He looks into his life at all his blunders and finally decides a salesman’s life was not for him. Biff tries to express to his father how he feels about himself by saying, “Pop, I’m nothing! I’m nothing, Pop. Can’t you understand that?” (Lowman 133). He determines and addresses to his dad that he truly is nothing. He is not the product of Willy’s dreams anymore. In this confession, Biff fully acknowledges who he really is and does not opt for being a fake, someone who constantly uses false appearances. He truly understands how destructive false appearances are and attempts to break away from them.

    Biff succeeds where Willy has not. He is finally able to differentiate from the false values and find himself again. Willy on the other hand, takes the false values and destroys himself with them. The American Dream is misinterpreted into being well liked and appearances. Arthur Miller is trying to show how corrupt our society has become by using the character of Willy, but at the same shows what the Dream is really meant to be through Biff. Biff shows people that by viewing themselves truly, will lead to salvation. The media has made a great impression on all people and has sadly degraded some souls. People can differentiate between false values if they understand who they are.
    Last edited by The Mob; 11-27-2007 at 02:36 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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    It's mad late and I just finished all my work. I promise (99.996%) that I will read this over and give you my opinions tomorrow.
    As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....

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    dont stress out about it. this isnt that time critical.
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    Dead Dreams, Dead Relationships: in The Great Gatsby

    “I now pronounce you husband and wife,”(needs citation~Even though it's a good beginning, it still needs to be quoted if from the book) says the officiator. The crowd goes wild. The newlywed celebrities walk down the red carpet to the waiting limousine that will take them to the culmination of their dreams: the raving mad dream of having a relationship with each other has been(is~present tense-can say is now) accomplished. In the ideal world, dreams stimulate relationships and add to the meaning of what one’s purpose is. In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby however,(I would say: However, in F. Scott Fitzgerald'sThe Great Gatsby,) couples abandon each other when all the dreams in a relationship dry up. Nick Carraway, Jay Gatsby, and Myrtle Wilson all demonstrate this phenomenon.(What phenomenon? I know you just stated it, but you must be clear. Just try not to make it too repetitive~This phenomenon of abandonment~)

    **With Commas: When words are in-between two commas, the sentence must to flow coherently without those words between them. Hence, the second comma after the book's title. I would move However to the beginning of the sentence because it gives more of an impression of your attempt/intention to refute your first claim (In the ideal world, dreams stimulate relationships and add to the meaning of what one’s purpose is.)**

    The main character, Nick, never has a real dream toward Jordan. Even though Nick has a romantic engagement with Jordan, he fails to do anything about it. Nick claims that, “I [am not] in love, but I [feel] a sort of tender curiosity” (57*). By saying this, Nick shows that he has no dream of ever being in love with Jordan. His(Who?) idea for a dream is just to have a weird feeling towards her(Who?). Society demands so much more than having a peculiar feeling toward someone(Such as? What does society demand?). All throughout the story(The Great Gatsby), Nick is given opportunities to achieve his dream of marrying Jordan, but older dreams keep getting in his way (58*). Nick is trying to live two dreams: one that he has back at home and this one with Jordan. However, he(Nick) does not have a strong enough of a dream(awkward wording~Maybe drop of a)to drop the one he has going on back at home. Nick’s indecisiveness again shows that his dream is not strong enough. These two dreams eventually collide with each other, ultimately dooming his dream for a relationship(with ______). While Nick does not use(idk, do you use dreams? Maybe a word change~you already used fulfill. Maybe another good synonym. Accomplish?)his dream to marry Jordan, Gatsby permits the dis appointment(1 word) of Daisy not fulfilling his dream to destroy him.

    **With Parenthetical Citations, you must always do the following (Author Page Number). For example, ( Fitzgerald 79). Even though you already stated the book is by Fitzgerald, you must still include his name in the citations.

    I added the names where I thought you should replace the pronouns. Pronouns aren't bad, but too many makes the paper sound vague and unclear. Try to add them in so it's clear but not repetitive(a little repetitiveness is better than being unclear).

    I know I haven't done this yet, but I've been busy this week. I'll hopefully finish this for you sometime tommorow.
    As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....

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    WOOT!
    thank you for cutting it up like this.
    i really appreciate what you are doing

    as for the dis appointment, i had to type it in that way or else this sites editing would have made it look like this tment

    the MLA formatting should be correct (according to the teacher at that time), but ill check again to see if you really have to include the author's name in every quote. i just think that it would look really repetitive.

    I believe you only need to mention author in the first time mentioned. Therefore, I'd prolly throw his name in your first book citation, on Page 57. If you used a different source at one point, and went back and used the book again, you'd need to mention the author again. Also, if the paper was really long and you don't mention the author until a couple of pages later (but havn't had any other sources in there) you'd probably want to mention the author with the page again just to remind readers where the source came from. Also, feel free to mention the author straight in the text, which removes the need to use them in the parenthesis. [ex: Fitzgerald shows monkeys fly, stating their "wings are created from a child's imagination" (67)]. Ok that was odd...but anyways these are usually the rules I follow...could be different because I have written many papers in different styles. The most important rule to me is consistency - whatever you use, stick with it. ~jedi

    should i post my works cited page? and should i also include it in the submission to the college?

    If you have citations in your paper, I'd include Works Cited - never seems to hurt. For college submissions, most all of my essays were personal essays, not research-based. Certainly if you are emailing the paper, you can email it as an attachment and just include the whole thing, including the Works Cited. ~jedi
    Last edited by jedimaster86; 12-01-2007 at 04:27 PM.
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    Gatsby’s dream of loving Daisy evaporates when he realizes that she could never be as perfect as he had envisioned her to be.(Lots of pronouns, try to replace 1-she and 1-he) Just as Daisy and Gatsby reunites(typo-reunite) after almost five years of separation from each other, Gatsby loses his dreams(dream~1 dream:having Daisy) of having her(Daisy). Nick echoes Gatsby’s feelings by saying, “Possibly it has occurred to him that the colossal significance of that light vanished forever” (93). All her perfection radiating in that green light is ordinary again to Gatsby. Gatsby realizes that his dreams are crazy. Daisy cannot satisfy him any more. Nick also points out, “There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumble(es) short of his dreams … not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion” (95). Men* habitually set down dreams for a perfect woman*, except that when he* finally finds her*, he* sees flaws in her*.(Needs subject agreement, all plural or all singular. Could change Men to A man, then change he to that man and change her to his perfect woman. Also, you might want to add the word perfection to the end of the sentence)It is as if he has blinders on when he is dreaming about her, but then they(What?~these blinders?) are removed when he finally meets her.(pronouns, clarify) This is certainly the case with Gatsby.(combine, delete period and he and continue with who realizes) He realizes his dreams are too high for even the perfect Daisy to fulfill. Another character has this problem, except this time her dreams are the opposite from Gatsby.(who)

    **A lot of pronouns and confusing statements here. Try to clarify them a little more**

    Myrtle’s dreams(dream) [are about] is to marry[ing] a gentleman who is wealthy and will(typo:willing to) take (sentence could work if omitted) care of her. The only problem is George Wilson (her husband) fails her, and this causes her to seek Tom. The only problem is George Wilson, Myrtle's husband, fails her. George's failure causes Myrtle to seek [another man named]~could add Tom. She(Myrtle) says that she thinks George is a gentleman, but then goes as far as to say, “he [is] [not] fit to lick my shoes” (35). She claims frequently that she has never wanted to marry such a man as George. Her dream is to marry a rich gentleman, and Tom fit(fits~present tense) the bill. Certainly these(omit) Dreams,(omit) of wealth and of(omit)having a gentleman for a husband,(omit) drive(drives~present tense) Myrtle to run away from her husband George and to(omit) seek Tom. In response to Myrtle's attempt to run away, George locks Myrtle up to keep her from escaping:(End sentence) she however(However, Myrtle) still makes a run for it (137)Is there a quote? Why did you cite this?. This(what? Myrtle's attempt to run away from George) shows how desperate Myrtle is in wanting to disengage from her husband. Her discontented dreams* drive her to seek a new dream*.(Number agreement) (The discontented dreams of Myrtle drives her to seek new dreams. ~or~ The discontented dream of Myrtle drives her to seek a new dream.)She runs away from George to seek her(in order to find a) gentleman and wealth(wealthy gentleman) that will satisfy her dreams(depends if you make it plural or singular above).

    **This one took me a while. First of all, try to make all of the subjects(such as dreams of characters) agree in number within the sentences and paragraph.

    Also, I tried to change some of the She to Myrtle. The problem is that you don't want to start multiple sentences with the same word and you start a lot of sentences with She. Try rewording other sentences I didn't mention that start with Myrtle or She in order to avoid starting sentences with the same word.

    Dreams,(omit) of wealth and of(omit)having a gentleman for a husband,(omit) drive(drives~present tense) Myrtle to run away from her husband George and to(omit) seek Tom. Should read:

    Dreams of wealth and having a gentleman for a husband drives Myrtle to run away from her husband George and seek Tom.~Sounds clearer**

    Nick, Gatsby, and Myrtle all dream of obtaining and maintaining a great relationship.(great relationships~multiple people, multiple relationships) They all try and fail to achieve this(what?) ultimate satisfaction. Whether it is Nick not really(completely) having a dream to begin with, or(omit) Gatsby realizing that his dream could(was no longer) not be(omit) feasible anymore(omit), or Myrtle’s dream of marrying a gentleman, they all fail to understand that couples abandon each other when all (of) the dreams in a relationship dry up.(Very, very long run on sentence. I edited it, but I suggest breaking it up) When (a)newlywed celebrities or(omit~where do celebrities come into play? Also, a paper analyzing true relationships shouldn't include celebrities because those relationships are jokes) couples(couple) see(sees) that their dreams have diminished or disappeared, hopefully, they(the couple) will accept that fact. Sometimes(,) dreams simply do not turn out the way (a)couples (couple) wants them to be(omit). Even in the midst of all the gloom, (a)couples(couple) should not stop dreaming,(unsure about this comma) for this is(dreams are) their sole motivator(could add~to remain together)


    **Sorry I took so long. I finished this one and will finish you're other one another time. Sorry, but I have a lot of stuff I have to do before Monday.

    As for the Citations, I don't have my English stuff with me but I have a handout stating we have to include the author's name every time but I'm unsure how a college would want it. I know my teacher wants our class to cite the author every time.

    I don't know if you know, but you should space twice after every sentence. I learned in typing that it is the correct way to space sentences.

    Good luck and feel free to ask me any question about the revisions(I know it can look confusing)**

    Ok, yeh in terms of citing authors, it can change depending on professor...er teacher...but yeh just listen to the above and the safest way would be to just post author for each citation. Forget what I said earlier.

    In terms of spacing after sentences, once again it is up to the teacher's desired style; in secondary education some teachers said double space, some said single space. I believe most style books tell you to do one, and this is the strategy I have always employed around once I hit high school. To me, two spaces disrupt the flow of the text, but like I said before, it may be what your teacher wants.

    I think the need for two spaces reaches back into the age of typewriters, when spacfonts were monospaced. Each letter took the same amount of space, so double spaces were needed to distinguish sentences from one another. However, in today's world, fonts on the computer are no longer monospaced, and spacing only once also saves space (especially in buisnesses like magazines/newspapers where space costs money). ~jedi
    Last edited by jedimaster86; 12-02-2007 at 06:15 PM.
    As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....

  10. #10

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    thanks for all the input guys. :)

    ya, it is after all what the teacher wants. for me i think that it is easier to read double but whatever, it is all a matter of opinion.

    besides the editing, how is the actual content of the great gatsby piece?
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    I haven't read this story, but if you follow the basic structure and back up your point any view is correct.

    Intro:

    *Introduction/hook.
    *Context
    *Thesis(3 categories)

    Body Paragraphs(3):

    *Thesis (1 Category)
    *Introduce quote
    *quote
    *explain quote
    *significance/relate to thesis

    Conclusion:

    Same as introduction except with different wording and nice ending sentence (you have).


    If you edit your story then repost it, then I can look at it and get a clearer view of your structure.
    As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....

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    well, i followed that structure pretty much all the way through. i was just wondering about flow and word choice. etc
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    Well that's kinda what I already helped you with.
    As long as darkness flows through my veins, I will never cease, As long as my dreams still haunt me, I will never show mercy, and as long as evil lives I will never die.....

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